- What’s the right way to deal with tantrums?
Every parent has a way of dealing with there children and we all have room for improvement. There are times when i feel like I did everything right and other times I feel like I handled the situation all wrong. There is no right way to deal with tantrums there are many different factors to why the tantrum started hat the tantrum is about and those things play a role in how you respond. Today we went to the grocery store my 6 year old (yes i said 6) decided that she wanted to go down the toy isle because she wanted to see if they had slime. I had a talk with her prior to going in the store that we are only running in the store for a few things and we will be going back home. She nodded in agreement and we entered the store. After grabbing our things and standing in line she decided she needed to go to the bathroom. At that point in my mind I am deciding do I take her or make her hold it until I am done in line. There were only two people ahead of me so I told her when I am done paying for my items we will go to the restroom. We start heading to the restroom and the toy isle catches her attention. She becomes excited saying Oooh Mommy can we please go into the toy isle for one second. I said no we are off to the bathroom and to the car. Please Please Please she started to become loud a bystander walked by and said aww she is precious maybe if you listen to your mom she will take you to see all the nice toys this store has. I am not to happy with the intervention but continue to the bathroom. My daughter was on her best behavior even sang the ABC song as she washed her hands as we have practiced numerous times. As we were leaving she says mom was i a good listener. I told her of course you were then she asked so can we go to the toy isle. No sweetie i responded remember we are getting a few things and we are leaving. Then the tantrum began. I really wanted to just drag her out of there kicking and screaming but I knew that would not look so great. So i turned my back grabbed my phone and started pretending i was talking to a family friend. I pretended I was so deep in conversation that i couldn’t hear her I even mentioned her in my pretend conversation. I kept walking toward the exit and she followed in a matter of 2 mins i heard complete silence trailing behind me. When we got to the car I told her that her behavior inside the store was unacceptable and because she behaved in such a manner no tablet the rest of the car ride. I felt I handled the situation well. There are others that would disagree. Tantrums with children of all ages are going to occur use them as teaching moments encourage them to understand what they were feeling and better ways to handle the situation next time. Children are sponges they learn best from adult teaching.
How do I set congruent boundaries with love and respect?
- Boundaries are a must have as they teach children how every place that they visit or go to will have some rules. I love behavior charts for rules and boundaries and have used them with all my children. They understand them better at about 4 years and older so i do not recommend them for toddlers as they will not understand. Simple time outs or time ins work better for them.
What are the negotiable/ non negotiable battles? e.g. Taking a shower vs. fastening the seat belt
Negotiable battles are what a child can wear what meals a child chooses to eat wearing a seat belt is not negotiable holding my hand when crossing the street or personal hygiene not an area for negotiation. When it jeopardizes safety it is a non negotiable battle.
How to give a consequence to an action instead of a punishment?
I have never believed in punishments as they do nothing for the brain and it does not teach children anything. It only make them more afraid of what will happen to them rather than what consequence they will have from exhibiting such behavior. Here are some tips:
- Have rules written so that children have something to visually see. For non-readers pictures and explain what happens for each behavior. I have had to re-due several times because behaviors get better or completely disappear.
- Have a reward system in place to help with unwanted behaviors
- Be consistent never switch disciplines or consequences it doesn’t help it only confuses things
- Time outs and Time ins are great for children 5 and under other ages I would use a reward chart.